I have been journeying across Our Homeland spreading the gospel of Weapon Brown to those who deny that Chuck is the One True Blockhead. Here are some snaps from my most recent tent revivals!

Chicago! Here I am, ready to sell in The City with Big Shoulders! (Soon I will realize I am also in the The City with No Money!)

All I did was ask this buxom Velma if she liked it Scooby style! Yeesh! I thought geek girls were supposed to be all about empowerment and shit…

Sorry, young one. You cannot transform your way out of a bullying problem at school.

Never piss off a muffin bender!

Does anyone remember Atreyu from The Neverending Story? Neither did this young man! But I forced him to wear my spare Atreyu costume anyway! Parents, keep an eye on your kids at these shows!

Look, everyone! It’s Delayed Allergic Reaction to Silver Body Paint Man!

Finally! An honest goddamn costume!

I think I’ve made a joke before about wanting to “hit it” in relation to another costumed Hit Girl, so this photo gets no caption.

Two Dudes, One Carton.

Cool! A guy in a Heisenberg costume! Hey, I’ve got a great knock-knock joke for you…

Oh shit! I forgot…HE’S the one who knocks!!

Thank God I escaped that town with a minimum of bruises and bed bugs. Next, it was on to Baltimore, where I also found that people who spend all their money on costumes often do not have enough to spare to support FIVE YEARS OF MY LIFE’S WORK!!

 

Baltimore! If this city is anything like the way The Wire portrays it, I am in for some smooth sailing!

This man was genuinely unimpressed with my notes on how I would have shot Man of Steel.

This is Machine Man, a D-list Marvel character who I told should probably not expect a Guardians of the Galaxy treatment. His logic circuits did not take the news well.

Threaten me all you want, but your Red Skull costume has genuine flaws!!

I shiteth thee not: that hammer must have weighed twenty pounds, and this guy carried it on his belt as easily as an iPod! Nevertheless, I still felt that in high school he probably got his ass beat a lot.

A sketch for a Beepo and Roadkill fan! (There are six in all existence!)

A commission for a man’s Archie sketchbook. He requested “no filth”, but I still hid six shlongs in the drawing. See if you can find them!

Look, I just saw a much better Thor costume. Why don’t you ask that guy for some tips? …OOOOF!Â

Cutest Couple Award! Unfortunately they refused their prize, which was six months of me living in their basement.

These guys didn’t like my opinion of their Bette Midler and Mickey Rourke costumes.

Cutest Trio Award! Yet once again, I still don’t have a place to crash for the next few months. Please e-mail me if you have a tool shed you aren’t using!

Keep your parakeets on a leash, people!

Comicons: Family fun that Disney just can’t beat!

You’d like to read Deep Fried? Well… bear in mind, it’s a little dark.

Yep, that’s what I was afraid of. Sorry, Universe!

 

And that’s all I can stands, I can’t stands no more! If your town has a show you’d like me to attend, just send me the details (along with how many weeks you can let me surf your couch!)